Hello and welcome to the unofficial Schlock Mercenary
conduct FAQ. If you have been referred to this page while being kicked from the
#schlock_mercenary channel, count yourself lucky: chances are you're doing
something wrong that this FAQ can help you with. Being referred here usually
means that whoever kicked actually wants you to be welcome in the channel.
Firstoff, here are some pointers about the "schlock crowd" that you
may find useful. Following them you will find some specific behaviors that will
usually get you kicked out of the channel.
Your average Schlocker...
Those are some general attitudes and behaviors of the
channel. A wise reader may already know from reading them what they might have
done to deserve ejection from the channel. However, here are some specific
behaviors that will get you bounced out on your ear. Be aware that most of the
senior Schlockers have all violated one or more of these rules at some time or
other. The trick is knowing when you can get away with
breaking these rules. There is no hard and fast rule as to when you can break
these rules and get away with it. If you have any doubt, don't. If you're
absolutely certain, then don't anyway, okay?
1. Chest Thumping.
Don’t start a pissing match. We don't care how big your genitalia are, or
how long you've been on the internet, or how good you are at programming the
language du jour. If you come in and start talking down to people, you're going
to find the business end of a boot in a hurry.
Many Schlockers are over the age of 30. We're already so
tired of hearing people stroke their egos in public, whether or not they can
back it up, that we’ll bounce you out before you get a chance to try to
prove it. Don't test this one, kids. The fastest way to piss a Schlocker off is
to tell his grandma how to steal sheep.
2. Thinking the Channel Owes You Something.
This is also known as the "Ready, Set, Deserve!"
syndrome. Nobody owes you an explanation. Nobody owes you common courtesy.
Nobody owes you a straight answer. If you've been kicked once, and demand that
so-and-so explain themselves, or that someone else be
kicked for doing what you just did, you're probably going to get kicked again.
3. Critiquing Without Having Earned the Privilege.
The point of it is, no matter how
justified you think you are, you're not entitled to run the comic, the
network, or the channel down without having first established yourself as
somebody who isn't a jerk. Notice that
we didn’t say “an idiot.” It comes down
to the old rule of "people don't care how much you know until they know
how much you care." You could have a graduate degree in comparative
webcomicry for all we care, but if you don't take the time to look, listen and
learn in the channel, your well-reasoned arguments are going to get shoved down
your throat. You'd think someone with a
college degree would know better. Polite
suggestions are always welcome—see how easy this is?
4. Malicious Flooding.
We all accidentally paste things from time to time. But
even senior Schlockers have been known to get tossed out on their ear for this
one.
5. Whining.
A lot of the older Schlockers know how and when they can
break these rules. If you're getting your chops busted for doing something you
just saw someone else get away with, could there possibly be a reason?!?
We politely submit to you that there could be, and in fact, is.
6. Inappropriate RP.
You are welcome to RP in the channel, but we encourage you
to know the distinction between "contributing your own personal
flavor" to the RP and "violating the rules of the
Schlockiverse." This generally falls into one of two categories: harassing
the Schlock bot and being a munchkin. If
you were really a character in Howard's comic, harassing Schlock would be
spectacularly fatal, wouldn’t it? Don’t
expect anything more than a 1,000xp penalty for trying it in the
channel. As for being a munchkin, here’s
a hint: if you’re a magical elf who can turn herself into a dragon and cast
‘bladesnare’ on people, you’re a munchkin.
Don’t be surprised if somebody casts ‘lightsaber_up_the_ass’ on you
before kicking you out of the channel.
7. Skripts, 1337, IRCspeak.
We speak English in our channel. Spelling and punctuation count. Don’t abuse color codes. Don’t bother with 1337, we’re already not
impressed. Note that we have our own
extensions of English, too. Knwo when to
say “Knwo.”
8. Exciting
The phrase "kill you as soon as look at you" was
invented to describe people like
9. Inappropriate Behavior.
Look, we're serious about the whole "lurk before you
leap" thing, okay? This is a
catchall rule for anything else that’s not in here that you might run afoul
of. Schlockers have a certain way of
acting and behaving in-channel, and while we welcome new folks eagerly, that
doesn't mean we want them to start a Dragonlance RP in our channel. If you get /kicked out of the channel for
this rule, you might get a reason if you ask politely. Remember rule #3, though. If you don’t get an answer right away, give
up, and just try to observe and learn.
These rules can be summed up succinctly: come in, have fun,
don’t be a jerk. If you have a good
sense of humor and don’t need to prove anything, you’re going to have a great
time in the #schlock_mercenary channel—and can probably get away with breaking
just about any of these rules from time to time. But if you insist on putting people down, or
screaming for attention, or being the shiniest bauble on the internet, you’re
not going to enjoy your stay... which will almost certainly be brief.