#Schlock_Mercenary Channel FAQ   (Version 1.02 Updated 6/21/2005)

Q1: Okay, so what's this I hear about #Schlock_Mercenary?

A: #Schlock_Mercenary is an IRC Channel on the Nightstar Network. It's a place where fans of the Schlock Mercenary Strip (www.schlockmercenary.com) get together and socialize.

Q2: So what's IRC?

A: Internet Relay Chat. It's a place on the internet where you can get together with other people to talk about whatever you like. It's based off of old "CB Emulators", and it grew from there. If you want to compare it to an AOL chat room, we'll understand. Especially if you give us bribes. Bribes are always accepted.

Q3: All right, so what do I need to get onto IRC?

A: What you need is an IRC Client. Personally, I like mIRC (www.mirc.com), and I've used it for many years, but it's pretty much a Windows only program. There are other programs out there for other platforms, of course, and there are even Java applications you can run through your web browser. Trust me, there is a lot out there. You can find a bunch of them at www.tucows.com.

Q4: So I have the Client. What do I do now?

A: First, I would strongly suggest you read the help files. I cannot stress this enough (I do customer service and tech support for a living). In mIRC, for example, they are quite extensive and chock full of information, and there will be plenty of answers to all sorts of questions you may have. It will tell you how you can perform actions, see who is online, and other useful tools at your disposal.

When you're ready to come over, connect to Nightstar. The server addresses are as follows:

· · irc.nightstar.net (This is the default, we suggest you use this one.)

· · DeepThought.NY.US.nightstar.net

· · Troika.TX.US.Nightstar.Net

· · Escher.ON.CA.Nightstar.Net

If you're new, drop into #Nightstar. There are plenty of good people there who will be glad to answer your questions about the network.

Once you're ready to come visit, join us in #Schlock_Mercenary.

Q5: I'm in the channel, what do I do here?

A: Talk and listen. Greet people, and get to know us. IRC is just like you walked up to a table of people and sat down to chat with them.

We do have a few rules that we gently enforce, so let us get them out of the way.

First, polite behavior is mandatory. This is really the only rule, if you think about it. We're here to have a good time and to meet new friends. Jerks are shown the door.

Second, no profanity. We're not a bunch of fuddy-duddies, but we want people to be comfortable in our channel. So please don't use inappropriate language, as if you were trying out for an Eminem Lack Of Talent Show.

Third, no flooding. A flood is when you dump a lot of junk in the channel, which fills up the screen and wipes out all of the prior conversation. If you spot a really funny article and you want people to look at it, show us the link.

Fourth, no bots. We've got Schlock, a more than capable bot already, and he's doing a fine job. Nightstar lets people have a bot for their channel if they want, but we've already got ours. You can set yourself up for macros and remote events (the PiBot is a riot, trust me, the ShinyBot is also fun, but just don’t mention The Eye Of Argon, whatever you do), but try not to get carried away.

Fifth, no warez or porn. That's a Nightstar policy, and it fits the nature of our channel. We're here to talk and indulge in playful mayhem, not trade copyrighted material.

Sixth, try not to eat the other channel members or kill them too often. That's one of Schlock's prerogatives, and you wouldn't want to make Schlock mad, would you? Thought not.

Q6: Sounds pretty stiff.

A: It's not, really. We have a good time talking about a variety of things, but that's why we log onto Nightstar: to talk. If you want to do other things, well, then you probably wouldn't be happy with us over here, so why make yourself unhappy, right?

Q7: Okay, so what about Howard Tayler? Does he come in to visit?

A: Sure. Howard will drop by and chat with us on occasion. He's a really nice guy for someone who seems fascinated with aliens shaped like cow-patties, flying robot heads, unnecessary violence, fiddly-bits, and NesQuik(tm). In other words, he fits right into the mayhem. Or we fit right into his mayhem. It's an existential quandary, and I don't like to ponder it too much. I'm trying to cut back on the meds.

Sandra Tayler, Howard’s lovely wife, also comes into the channel, and she’s one of the reasons why we like to keep things polite. You do not want her to use The Mommy Voice on you. You just… don’t.

Q8: What's with the @ in front of everyone's nickname?

A: That symbol denotes a Channel Operator. Think of them as armed protectors of the channel. We refer to them as "plasguns", for obvious reasons.

By the way, don't beg to be made an operator. If you're pretty cool, and you've been there a while, it'll happen. Treasure your Plasgun, and keep it holy. Or keep them holey, which ever way you happen to lean.

Q9: Waitaminute... KNWO?!

A: You'll have to see it to believe it.

Q10: I've got another question, and it's not listed here! What do I do?

A: Ask it, of course. We're a bit on the crazy side, but we're friendly. If enough people ask it, I'll add it to the FAQ, of course.

Q11: Who the heck are you, anyway?

A: A fan of Howard's, of course. I go by the nick of Vermilion on the channel. Drop me a memo on the server sometime, and I'll lend you a hand. Just so long as I get it back, of course, and you don't try to only give me the finger.